On the day of my Second Neuro Psychology Treatment Session, I have to admit I was a bit nervous.
This time I was going to be talking through my past few years, and the stress element I had felt for each of them.
It was in actual fact a lot more involved than that, as going through each year meant I had to go through each month of each year.
I was surprised at how I can remember everything, I can recall all the feelings, the upset and yes the stress.
This had in effect been my homework following my first treatment session, and although my Psychologist told me I didn’t need to spend too much time on it. Well, there was no way I could have done it in ten minutes as he suggested!
I suspected that he knew it would take longer, and that it was part of the psychological therapy without actually telling me!
I asked him during the session, he kind of laughed and shook his head but only slightly!
I had figured him out, my brain may well have a disconnection, but my mind sure thinks okay.
It was weird, when I left my 1st treatment session, I had every intention of going home and starting on the stress I’d had through the past years. Only once home, I found it really hard to sit down and think it out. As if I was closing off, delaying having to think of the recent past years.
Why? Because I knew it was going to be hard, and upsetting. Because to give each year a stress rating, meant I had to think about what had happened during that year.
So to do that means you end up thinking of each month, then rate the stress for each month.
I delayed it right until the week of my appointment.
I started by just drawing up a chart system on an A4 sheet if paper, a full line per year and blocked then into months. I filled it up with short notes and bullet points easily.
As I went through my past years and months, I found myself reliving moments. The things that happened, and all the feelings that went with each incident. I then pulled it all together into a simple number chart to give my Neuro Psychologist, but with a full printout of all my notes to tell him the reason for my stress numbers and what they related to.
I cried at points whilst doing this stress chart, it brought back many memories of upset, stress, hardship, demoralisation, and having my self esteem gradually chipped away until I had hardly any left.
It touched on every part of my life, home and work. Relationships, again in both home and work. It is surprising what a person can go through, thinking they have dealt with issues but there are elements still left unresolved.
In my treatment session we went through my stress chart, my last few years show how much stress I have gone through. We spoke and delved into some points more than others. Trying to find any relevance, that has effected me so much to make my body disfunction.
We only got through 2006 to the end of 2009, and we are going to pick up where we left off in my next session.
So I am awaiting my next appointment letter, with a little trepidation. The years we have yet to talk through, Include things happening in my life a lot worse than the issues we have already spoke through. I know I will have to be strong for the next appointment.
I again as the previous time, had some attacks following the ap
pointment more than normal. With the utter fatigue that I get following any appointment, as they seem to take so much out if me. As if I get myself ready to get the appointment done, but my body shuts down and does a lot of sleeping and non-epileptic attack spasms the following few days.
My psychologist said to expect it, as the sessions take a lot out of me.
Before the session ended, we had a quick chat about what they call “The Stress Bucket”.
That when we get upset and stressed, our bucket fills up and can overflow. That we need to find a tap to empty the stress bucket out, lower the level. We chatted about finding ways to open the taps, to try and have more than one tap to empty your stress.
I told him I do my blog, that I started it just for that very reason. To get all my upset and feelings out, to no one in particular but other than for myself to write it out and off load my upset and pain.
It has built up so much over time, I never thought anyone would read my ramblings. It helps me, it is my release.
I also chat in the Facebook groups, to others the same as myself. So I no longer feel alone, as if I am weird.
I’m not sure if the treatment sessions are helping me yet, we talk and that’s it really.
I’m not feeling that I am being helped, not yet anyway. Maybe the next session will start to pull it together, and maybe give me a better understanding.
Who knows? No one seems to know, that’s just the point!
I now await my next appointment letter to pop through the letter box 🙂