We sat down, and talked. It seems that from my reading up, and actually going through these sessions. That Psychology is all about “Talking Therapy”, so therefore there is a lot of talking involved.
Below is a clip taken from the website http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/T/talking-therapies/
What are talking therapies?
We often find it helpful to talk problems through with a friend or family member, but sometimes friends and family cannot help us and we need to talk to a professional therapist.
Talking therapies involve talking to someone who is trained to help you deal with your negative feelings. They can help anyone who is experiencing distress. You do not have to be told by a doctor that you have a mental health problem to be offered or benefit from a talking therapy.
Talking therapies give people the chance to explore their thoughts and feelings and the effect they have on their behaviour and mood. Describing what’s going on in your head and how that makes you feel can help you notice any patterns which it may be helpful to change.
It can help you work out where your negative feelings and ideas come from and why they are there.
Understanding all this can help people make positive changes by thinking or acting differently. Talking therapies can help people to take greater control of their lives and improve their confidence.
Talking therapies may also be referred to as:
•psychological therapies or treatments
The various terms used to describe talking therapies often mean different things to different people.
Some people use them to describe the level of training of the professional delivering the therapy. But sometimes there is no link between a therapist’s training and the name of the therapy they offer.
There are no set definitions so it’s important to ask about a therapist’s level of training.
Interesting reading don’t you agree?
Well the talking is mostly by the patient, revealing your inner most feelings and trying to search and find why you feel the way you do and so how it has affected your body in the way that it has, and to the extent it has been affected.
As of course all of us who suffer from this disorder are all each and every one of us, an individual case. There seems no structure that they can work to, as no one is alike.
As this disorder is because of our brains having a disconnection in our central nervous system due to an individual reason, then that makes sense.
In this 4th session I went in with my eldest daughter as my carer, also as I was at a very low ebb and needed someone with me. I was having a low day, in fact I had just told her that I really didn’t want to do this session today. I was getting to a point where I had seen no evidence of it showing any improvement to my movements, or my mood.
It therefore surprised me when I did go in and start talking, that I began to cry floods of tears. luckily my Psychologist is now ready for me, with the box of tissues to hand! I cried, in fact I really let go and we sat there while I got out the tears I needed until I was ready to talk.
We spoke about the past and past partners, how they affected me in the here and now. The knock on effect it had on our families, and we involved my eldest daughter into the conversation as this gave the opportunity for the Psychologist to get more of an insight into my past family life. Where we had been happy, but how things had changed.
My Psychologist was great, he even asked how she felt and how it had changed her life with her Mum suddenly and so quickly having changes to my body and brain. How it affected her, how she wanted to help me more but with the milles between us it makes it difficult. That no matter how much social sites are there to use, and to talk and text on phones. It does not and never will, replace the physical contact you need with your loved ones.
At this point we told him how we had decided we needed to start and arrange a regular meet up, even if it was just once a month. That we both missed each other so much, and felt that meeting up monthly would help us both.
I told my Psychologist about the tablets I had been put on, the Gabapentin, and that they were giving me every side affect that came with them. From the swelling of my legs and ankles, to the fuzziness and upset feelings in my head and feeling in a black cloud.
My daughter has been through this herself, so this part of the session was extremely helpful for both of us to talk about it. The depths that you can go to, even though you know and can see all the good things in your life it just doesn’t matter, they are shaded out by the cloud.
I think my Psychologist found this all very interesting too, with two patients talking about the same theme, the overlapping feelings and how you become trapped until you get help.
By this time I was actually beginning to get better, which was why I could speak more openly about it. I was being weaned off the Gabapentin tablets and was put onto a different new Neuropathic tablet for my nerve ending pains.
Additionally in this session we spoke of how I had my upcoming Work Appeal, and that as they had only just sent me there retort to my case with less than a week to the date of the Appeal. That all the good I felt I had achieved up to that point in getting ready and prepared, had just left me and I felt desperation. That I didn’t feel I had time to read and go through their points to come back with answers and questions!
The extra stress was having an extremely bad impact on my health, as one of the points that was coming out in my sessions. Was that a lot of my problems seemed to stem from the stress and workload I felt I had been under during my time at work. So yet again, it was work that was impacting on my health and making me worse again.
When I get like this it is like I get blocked, its hard to explain, but I get a block on doing well pretty much anything! I just cannot do stuff, the simplest things, the easiest things. Then I get frustrated and upset, turning into anger and tears.
Moving on we discussed how little I felt about myself, that I needed to learn to love myself again. TO try my hardest to go out and do things I used to enjoy doing, to go and find myself again. As in all the appointments and ill health I had just become a sick person with no outlook to the future. I needed to pull myself back.
I used to love gardening, so I was to go and try and plant some flowers. Get out in the fresh air, feel alive.
To move forward and look for good things, positive things
Love me again? 🙁
It is hard, living day to day.
* Never knowing how much pain you are going to have.
* Never knowing how much movement you will have each day.
* Never knowing if you will be able to think without the fuzziness and confusion.
* Never knowing if or when your next Non-Epileptic Attack Seizure will be.
* Never knowing if you were going to be you.
But I agreed I would try, and try I will.
After firstly saying I didn’t want to go into this appointment, I actually came out of this one feeling the best I had in ages. I got a lot off my chest, and I said a lot I had been holding back on. I am moving forward, just very slowly. Any sign of improvement to my mood is good, as it can then have an improvement on my movements. I shall hold my breath, and we shall see.
Watch out for the next session, and see how I get on.